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Our Craving for Useless Information

Next time you’re standing in line at the checkout, take a look at the magazine rack that’s strategically placed so as to catch your eye while waiting to pay for your stuff. Entertainment news, weight loss gimmicks, paranormal stories and so on. I like to read the headlines for a good laugh but I wonder who buys these rags full off useless crap? “I lost 25 lbs. in two days.” “The next big Hollywood breakup” “Proof that UFO’s exist” Everything you need to know and it only cost a few bucks. Ya I’ve looked at a few of these so called magazines but never have I laid down my hard earned dollars to buy one. Picked one up off the coffee table at a friend’s house once, glanced through it and pitched it back on the table. Asked my buddy “did you buy that rag?” No way, my wife did. I give him the “I don’t believe you look” since I know his wife isn’t interested in Aliens. He probably bought it and used it to hide the Playboy he got that day, the one with the sports article he wanted to read. What’s it called? Oh ya, the Swimsuit edition. Maybe there’s a picture of some hot alien babe in a bikini stretched out on the beach!

People Magazine

You want to shed some pounds real quick so you can squeeze into that hot dress or tight jeans that have been mothballed for years. Better get down to the local rag rack to pick up the latest fat burning fad fast. They use these once skinny now pudgy celebrities to endorse their product. Same ones you see on those half hour infomercials that seem to run all night long. You gotta believe a famous actor or some so called expert doctor right! It’s on TV and I read it in the magazine I bought yesterday so it must work. My doctor and the dietician he sent me to don’t know crap. So you take the rags “expert advice” for the ten day diet so you can show up at the party you were invited to less a few pounds. Fat chance. (Sorry about that). You’ll probably make some lame excuse for not going since the magic diet didn’t quite live up to the headline on that waste of money rag you bought. “I’ll never buy one again!” Next day at the rag rack. “UFO lands at the Pentagon” or “J Lo to wed herself” You gotta read about that right.

Celebrity news rags are the greatest source of useless information on the planet, in my opinion. Who’s doin who, who’s wearing what, who’s gettin married, who’s gettin divorced, who’s dating who, who’s gettin plastic surgery, who’s gettin a boob job. Hm. I might be interested in the end results for the the last one. I suppose these Hollywood info rags provide a diversion for some people. I just hope whoever buys these photos of fantasy, stories of stardom, pages of plastizoids don’t consider them important information that people need to know. Even the daily newspaper rags have stories of so called human interest from time to time. But nothing like what these magrag covers use to lure the readers into buying their bull#@*^. Sorry you stars from the land of make believe, but I personally really don’t care about your daily trials and tribulations nor am I going to lay down a few buck or waste my time reading about it. Get a real job you reporters of the ridiculous and photographers of the phony. The only real use I can think of for these rags is to replace the old Sears catalog we had in the outhouse back in the day. Use the s%#* to wipe the s%#* I say.

So keep buying these magrags for their unique insight and important must know information that you think you need to know. Oh ya. And all the pretty pictures too!! For me reading the headlines on these rags of the ridiculous is all the useless info I need to get through my uneventful days.


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